Does it happen every year, this disconnection to myself in the dark days of winter? Sages tell us it should be the opposite: a deepening into spiritual practice as the days grow shorter, the night calling us to enfold ourselves into a quieter, less distracted state.<\/p>\n
For me, this year has been a winter of increasing disconnection from spirit, from soul, arguably at the very time I need it the most. Why? Because of the angst of the world, the turbulence in our democracy, the illness of friends, my own aging body\u2026.<\/p>\n
A perfect storm of \u00a0concerns that seems to have led me to neglect my inner landscape in favor of time-honored distractions, ie, consuming too much dark chocolate (\u201cit\u2019s good for me\u201d), buying too many books (\u201cOh, this <\/em>one has a more optimistic view of the future\u201d), too many movies, even as I recoil from the parade of violence and despair so many portray.<\/p>\n What have I been searching for?<\/p>\n Whatever it is, I have been behaving as if it is out there.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>And I know better. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the Holy Grail, the Kingdom of God, all are to be found within<\/em>. I have been guilty of a spiritual amnesia. Weary, perhaps, of this lofty stuff, settling for small consumptions, stemming from a culturally-sanctioned concept of the human appetite.<\/p>\n But now, happily, I have come to realize I am hungry for something else, something I know in my bones, for the body, the mind, the soul are truly One.<\/p>\n How do I get so far astray? Oh, I can follow the breadcrumbs backwards, to complaining about the winter weather so that I neglected to my walking meditation (\u201cit\u2019s cold and rainy\u201d); boredom with vegetables, craving sugar (\u201cI need more energy to keep going\u201d); checking my phone too often, and all the rest.<\/p>\n I am very good at nourishing others, at joining with my clients in an exploration of how they conceive of caring for themselves, but this winter I starved myself in spirit, in favor of what Ronna Kabatznick in The Zen of Eating<\/em> calls \u201cthe numinous muffin\u201d. And I didn\u2019t even know it. .<\/p>\n So as I read about renewable energy and wonder about the future of the planet, can I turn to my own need for renewable, sustainable energy of the soul?<\/p>\n What does this look like this morning, as I watch a Beewick\u2019s wren run along the fence beneath the brilliant yellow blossoms of the forsythia?<\/p>\n It looks like gratitude, for the spring, for the emerging of new life.<\/p>\n It looks like acceptance, that in spite of my aging body and all its new needs, I am still vital, and have a lot of energy to sit with people, share ideas, and listen. Stephen Hawkings said, when asked about his life with ALS, \u201cIn my mind, I am free.\u201d Wonderful role-modeling for all of us as we watch our bodies change with the biology of time.<\/p>\n It looks like discernment: turning off the violent movies, and limiting consumption of\u00a0 political news. I don\u2019t want to isolate myself from the world, but I have been too fascinated with this Winter of Trumpian Discontent. I need to heed the advice of a dear friend who recently told me, \u201cdon\u2019t turn it on\u201d. I \u00a0do want to stay connected enough to be aware of what petitions to sign, what causes to support, and what to say when I call my Congresswoman, but I\u2019m definitely starting to limit my intake of the madness.<\/p>\n Renewable energy of the soul also looks like changing my perspective on consumption: smelling the rapture of the Mr. Chocolate store without going in to raid the samples. Stir-frying those vegetables, and remembering the farmer who grew them, the soil of the Earth that nourished them. Not buying another flowered blouse in a vain attempt to feel the blooming of my soul by wearing blossoms on my body!<\/p>\n Energy of the soul also looks like joy. Finding it in every exchange in life: the funny waddle of a toddler in front of me at the bookstore; a text from my granddaughter; stopping to take in the brilliant pink of the cherry blossoms along the trail, and taking that moment to listen to the peace and blessed silence within my own self.<\/p>\n Where do you find sustainable, renewable, joy of the soul, in the bounty of the outer, and inner spring?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Does it happen every year, this disconnection to myself in the dark days of winter? Sages tell us it should be the opposite: a deepening into spiritual practice as the days grow shorter, the night calling us to enfold ourselves … Continue reading